twinges of ache in mi corazón.

This has been another long, but growing week in our lives.

Homesickness has not left us, and I feel that it may never completely leave.

I thought I was getting stronger, more involved, on track, and ready to be here in California.

This week proved otherwise.

I struggled to contact people in Minnesota, because everytime I would dial a number or get ready to send a text my heart ached.  I can not describe the feeling other than that. Just a deep ache in the depths of my chest. I couldn’t press send. I wanted to go home so bad. I was strong each day throughout my internship, but as the day wore on the ache would linger back in. I really struggled to see the blessings right in front of my face, and could only focus on everything about this state I disliked. This place is not my home. It is not comfortable. It isnot autumn here. People do not know if Minnesota is a state, or if we live in Canada, or what to do with the information when we share. 

I long for autumn weather. It is currently 100 degrees out. The forecast reads:
Saturday: 104     Sunday: 104     Monday: 108   Tuesday: 103    Wednesday: 101 

Please, Lord, can I have autumn. Changing leaves, fresh smells, crunchy leaves, apple cider, bon fires, jeans, sweaters, scarves, brisk mornings, gorgeous sunsets. 

I am homesick still. No one here understands. This is their home. I don’t LOVE this place, yet. People continually tell us we will NEVER leave. I hope this is not the case. I will leave. My heart wasn’t created for here. I won’t lie, I love the cold. I love the snow. I love winter. I love four REAL seasons. 

It doesn’t help either that I’m alone a lot. 

I have the best husband. He holds me and loves me even when I carry on about being home. He offers to let me go home as soon as our loan money comes through. He loves me unconditionally. He is my best friend. My only heartfriend. 

So through this, I just want to encourage you all to soak in this season. The autumn season, but also the season of life you are in. This season for me is HOT,HOMESICK, and HARD, but I’m pressing on. The Lord has me in the palm of His hand, and my husband has me by the hand and we will continue to press on. This season for you may be COLD, COMFORTABLE and CHALLENGING. Press on. Soak it in. Learn from it. 

I can not express my longing, and aching to be home. I love you all so much. I wish to be there for hunting season, and football season, and the first snow. I can’t wait to be in Grand Rapid with my family. 

But I can wait. I will wait.

The Lord is teaching me. I don’t know what it is yet, but I’m longing to know. He continues to bless me, and show me His hand in my life. I’m waiting patiently, and sometimes with an aching heart. 

Our prayers are with the weddings back home. Joe & Courtney. Joel & Brooke last weekend. Keith & Scotty in a few weeks. Brandon & Samantha soon. May the Lord bless your special day, and your new life together!